Expulsion
by Nitramnismat
Summary: It's the Marauder's OWL year of Hogwarts. They have just started their next annual Prank week. But what will happen when the pranks get out of hand?


Expulsion – Chapter 1 of 7

 _Monday_

"Okay, todays the day. The start of prank week. What have we got?"

"Well Padfoot, we have seven ideas," Prongs said, "One for each day of the week."

"First," Moony joined in, "We have the beard plot. We put ageing potion in every single flagon of pumpkin juice, and so, everybody grows spectacular beards, to rival Dumbledore's."

"B-b-b-but how d-d-d-do they get rid of the beards?" stuttered Wormtail.

"Umm…. We didn't think about that," Prongs and Moony replied, "Padfoot?"

"um… I got it! To get rid of the beard, you have to kiss someone, wait for it…. of the same gender!"

"Yes! That's great!" Prongs exclaimed.

"So here's the plan," Moony instructed, "Prongs and I will go down to the kitchens and put the potion into the juice before the house elves send it up. Wormtail, Padfoot, find a way of telling everyone subtly that they have to kiss someone of the same gender to get rid of the beards. Make sure the enchantment on the potion works."

"Great, let's go…" Padfoot said.

* * *

 _Moony and Prongs_

The halls of Hogwarts were quiet. It was early morning. The house elves were just setting out the last plates of food to be sent up to the tables in the Great Hall when Moony and Prongs burst in.

Huge smiles snapped on to the house elves faces as they heard the door close. Greetings were heard from every corner of the room.

"Mister James, Mister Remus, how are you?" one particularly kind elf called Honey grinned, "What can we get you? Some food?"

"No thanks, Honey," Prongs and Moony said. As her face fell, Moony quickly jumped in.

"Not that that wouldn't be lovely, but we don't have much time. We just need to quickly put something in the pumpkin juice, and then we need to go to class. We'll grab something on the way out, okay?"

Honey's face lit up as she led them over to the pumpkin juice.

"Here you are, Misters," She squeaked, "I'll just put together something for you to eat on your way out!"

"Thank you so much, Honey. You've been a great help." Prongs smiled, and started pulling flasks out of his bag.

"Alright Moony, we have five minutes until the food is sent up to the Great Hall. That means we have three to get this potion into the juice before we have to meet the other in the Entrance Hall."

"Okay then. One flask into each flagon?"

Prongs nodded, and they got to work.

* * *

 _Padfoot and Wormtail_

"So Wormy, I have had a brilliant idea," Padfoot bragged.

"And you're n-n-not modest at all," Wormtail retorted, "What's up?"

"So, we all know that Prongs is a bit stalkery when it comes to Evans"

"Understatement," Wormtail interrupted, "Sorry, you were saying?"

"Well, rather than making her kiss a girl, we'll make her have to kiss Prongsy," Padfoot smirked.

"Th-th-that's good. She might j-j-j-just keep the beard though."

"That is why," Padfoot grinned at the thought of it, "We will make her beard painfully itchy, so she will have to make out with him."

"That's really m-m-m-mean!" Wormtail exclaimed, "Did you talk to Moony about this?"

"Nope. That's what makes it so great. The less people know, the more awesome it will be."

"I don't think w-w-we should do this. Sh-h-h-he'll hate Prongs. She'll think that he set that part up!"

"Well, we'll deal with that later," Padfoot remarked dismissively, "Let's go. The enchantment is _idem genus oscula,_ except for Lily. Her enchantment is _oscula James Potter._ "

"Okay. Let's g-g-g-get this d-d-done."

* * *

 _Breakfast in the Great Hall_

The Great Hall was filled with shouts and glares, as simultaneously, everybody sprouted a giant beard. Hagrid and Dumbledore looked quite strange with two beards, while the other teachers were shooting dirty looks down to the Marauders, each of whom who had a different style of beard, and theirs were dyed in Gryffindor colours. Padfoot took this as an opportunity to stand up on the Gryffindor table, whisper " _Sonorus,"_ and start talking.

" **HELLO EVERYBODY! WELCOME TO THE START OF THE MARAUDER'S 5** **TH** **ANNUAL PRANK WEEK!"** He boomed, **"NOW, I KNOW YOU WOULD LOVE TO KEEP THESE BEARDS, BUT, IF YOU WOULD WANT TO GET RID OF THEM, THERE IS A WAY!"**

Sighs of relief were heard from all around the Hall.

" **IF, FOR EXAMPLE, YOU ARE A GUY, LIKE US, YOU WILL NEED TO FIND ANOTHER GUY, AND… LET'S HAVE A DEMONSTRATION SHALL WE? MOONY? WORMTAIL? GET UP HERE!"**

"But I like my beard!" Moony complained, "I wanna keep it! And why do I have to kiss Wormy? Why can't Prongs kiss him?"

"Shut up Moony," Padfoot hissed, "Prongs needs to save his beard. You'll see why later. And if you really want me to, I'll give you a better one later."

Moony and Wormtail reluctantly got up on the table, glared at Padfoot (who was grinning ridiculously), and quickly kissed each other. Their beards shrank, and with a satisfying 'pop', disappeared.

" **AND YOU GET THE IDEA! IF YOU ARE A GUY, FOLLOW OUR EXAMPLE, AND MAKE OUT WITH EACH OTHER. AND, FOR THE GIRLS, YOU NEED TO FIND YOURSELVES A LOVELY,"** At this, Padfoot winked outrageously, **"LADY FRIEND. HAVE SOME FUN, AND WELCOME AGAIN TO PRANK WEEEEEEEEEK!"**

While the other occupants of the Hall reluctantly started to kiss each other, Padfoot sat down and was immediately subjected to the questions of the Marauders.

"Why couldn't I just kiss Moony? Why do I have to keep my beard?"

"Why did I have to kiss WORMTAIL? Why couldn't I have kissed you, or Prongs?"

"Okay, first. Prongs, you have to keep your beard, because I made it so that Evans can only get rid of hers by kissing you. Then, I like my- "

"Wait, WHAT?" Prongs shrieked, "Lily will think I set this up. She'll hate me!"

"What is wrong with you, Padfoot?" Moony asked.

"Nothing. Just thought it might make Prongsy happy, being able to kiss Evans for once."

'Yeah?" Prongs said sceptically, "Well, normally it would be great, but because you set it up as part of the prank, it's not. You know what? Since you've screwed this up big time for me, I'm gonna change it for you."

Padfoot gulped. Prongs pointed his wand threateningly at Padfoot and hissed " _oscula Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore_ ".

"Are you mental?"

"Nope," Prongs hissed, "Since I have to kiss Lily, you have to kiss Dumbledore. Have fun!"

Prongs sighed, and walked off to talk to Lily. Just as Dumbledore was leaving the Hall, Padfoot caught up to him, started a conversation, and started walking away with him.

Prongs approached Lily. He could see the confusion in her eyes, she had done as they had said to get rid of her beard, but nothing had worked. And why did it look like her beard was painful? Surely his friends didn't make hers worse, so she wouldn't be able to just keep it? Were they really that cruel?

"Hi Lily."

"Oh, Potter," Lily said, "What do you want? Actually, first, why isn't this stupid beard going away?"

"Well, before I tell you anything, what I'm about to say was legitimately all Padfoot's idea, so I'm sorry." He gulped, scared as to what Lily's reaction would be, "Sirius decided that rather than you having to kiss another girl, you would have to kiss… me."

"And that was all Sirius's idea?" Lily asked scathingly, "I'm sure you had some part in that. Like I'm going to believe that you aren't going to find a random opportunity to make your bloody move. I'll bet you planned this ages ago, and decided to do it now, while I'm busy studying for my OWLs, so that you can distract me! Great plan, James. Really great plan."

"No, honestly! It was Sirius's idea!" Prongs exclaimed pleadingly, "Please don't hate me!"

"Fine," Lily spat, "Let's just get rid of these stupid things!"

She leaned in and quickly kissed Prongs. She then turned on her heel, and ran out of the Hall. Just as she reached the doors, Padfoot came in, looking depressed, but with his beard gone. Lily looked up, and saw who was blocking her exit. Quick as a flash, she reached up, slapped Padfoot across the face and ran.


End file.
